#201 Frosty the No Man
Jan05
on January 5, 2023
at 4:09 am
Does it have to be a top hat? Should any hat do? If I blessed a 2 dollar cardboard birthday hat with magic, would Frosty be running around repping Party City?
Read on Webtoons!
Cuddlep00p Links
There was a man named Frosti Jónsson, called snjókarlinn.(1) Frosti lived at vetrarlandstaðir(2) in the north. He was the son of Jón Frostason(3) and Ísdrottning Kaltsdöttir.(4) Jón Frostason was the son of Frosti hrímhvitur,(5) the son of Gamall-Karl Vetur.(6) Ísdrottning was a sorceress and a wise woman, but known to give cold counsel to friend and foe alike. Frosti was their only child.
There was a man named Hinkle Hinklesson, a craftsman and poet who was called Adenoid Hinkle due to a pair of swellings on his neck that often pained him. Hinkle was a sorcerer, but was not thought to be a talented one. He was unpopular with many, and was widely considered a difficult man. A man named Hokus Harefótr lived on Hinkle’s farm and was his servant.
There was a man named Rankin Bassafiskur. He lived very near to Frosti’s farm. He had several daughters. The oldest was named Karin, a beautiful and intelligent young woman. At the time of this story Karin Rankinsdöttir was fifteen years of age.
Frosti snjókarlinn was a popular man, known for his cheerful and joyful personality. He was well-accomplished in winter games such as ice-skating, and it was said that no man in Iceland was his match at sledding. He was tall and stout, with coal-black eyes and a large belly. His nose was round as a button, his complexion was almost pure white. Though not handsome, he was generally regarded as a good match because of his talents.
Frosti was a coal-biter. At times he would stand perfectly still for many hours at a time, but was active and tireless when he stirred himself. Though he was almost always out-of-doors, he was rarely seen doing work. Instead, his time was spent in games, in laughter and play. He was slow to anger, but quick to forgive. It was said of him that he was not a deep thinker, but he was clever with words and could shape things with his hands skillfully. He used tools made from stems of wheat and barley in shaping clay, and so he was rarely seen without a barley-stem between his teeth.
Strange tales were told of Frosti’s origin. It was said that his parents were cold to one another and avoid each other’s company, so that they had no children after many years of marriage. Ísdrottning was desirous of having a child, and it is said that one year, shortly before Yule, she used her magicks to call up a storm in the night. She was not seen for a year after that, and when she returned she had with her a son. Not everyone was sure that Frosti was entirely human—rumors abounded that his mother had had relations with a frost giant, and because of this Frosti was widely thought to be part troll or giant himself.
Though a peaceful man, Frosti was skilled with a sword or an axe. His favorite weapon was a heavy staff, which he used with his great strength and speed to overpower his foes. Whenever he practiced in sparring, he began to dance around, moving so quickly that his opponents felt as if he had suddenly come to life. And though he would often warm his opponents with vigorous blows, he himself remained cool and calm.
There was one thing about Frosti—he was bald from a young age, and no hair grew on his face or head. For this reason, he was never seen without a helmet on his head. The helmet was a gift from his mother. When she gave it to him, Ísdrottning said, “I have made this helmet to cover your head. And I do not think people will say that you go unprotected when you wear it, for it will never allow your life to end while it rests on your head.”
Frosti replied, “I thank you, mother. I will wear it with pleasure, although I do not anticipate the need for its protection.”
The helmet was black and high-peaked and lined with silk, and many thought it a great treasure.
Frosti was a friend to the children of the neighboring farms. On cold days in the winter he would often go from one household to the next, waving his heavy staff and calling on the children to run and play with him. He would challenge the children to come and catch him if they could, but he was so quick that no one was his equal in foot-racing.
On these visits, it was common for Frosti to stay and speak with Karin Rankinsdöttir for a time. It was widely said that Rankin did nothing to discourage these visits, as he saw Frosti as a fine match for his daughter.
In the same year that Frosti’s mother gave him the helmet, a short time before Yule, Frosti was leading the children up and down the path to town when Hinkle Hinklesson saw him. He saw the helmet Ísdrottning’s Gift on Frosti’s head, but said nothing about it at the time. That evening, at home, Hinkle said to Hokus Harefótr, “I think it is a fine thing that Frosti Snjókarlinn has such a helmet. And it seems to me that if he were to find it missing, it would not be so difficult for Ísdrottning to make him another as it might be for someone else to make one.”
Hokus replied, “I do not know that it is a wise man who tries to take a mother’s gift from her son.”
Hinkle said, “It is no shame to be afraid to do great things when you are a lowly man.” And he left off the conversation there.
The following day, Hinkle and Hokus lay in wait for Frosti along the path from Frosti’s farm. He had prepared the spot with a number of snowballs and lumps of ice. As Frosti marched past at the head of the pack of children, with Karin at his side, Hinkle leans out from behind a shed and throws a snowball with great accuracy. The snowball travels and does not stop until it hits the helmet and knocks it from Frosti’s head onto the ground. Frosti froze in place, and his normally calm black eyes smoldered as he stood staring at the outbuilding and Hinkle.
Hinkle rushes out and takes the helmet from where it had landed. He put it on his head, and felt the sorceress’ magic in its construction. But before he could turn to go, Hokus snatched the helmet off his head and brought it back to Frosti. “It does not seem right to me,” said Hokus, “that this should be taken from the man it was made for.”
But Frosti was still staring at Hinkle, and took no notice.(7) So Hokus gave the helmet to Karin, who put it back on Frosti’s head. Once the helm was on his head, he began to move around again. He walked to where Hinkle stood and spoke a verse:
The man who carves
the bent staves of the bone of earth(8)
thinks to possess
the gift of the goddess of winter.(9)
He will find that
the wearer of the sword’s foe(10)
bends less easily than a rune.
“We will meet again to determine the rightful owner of this helm,” Frosti said. Then he turned away and continued his walk with the children as if nothing had happened. Things were quiet then until the local assembly, where the duel was to take place.
In those days, it was the law that when two men agreed to a holmgang, the man who had been challenged could decide the place of combat. Hinkle consulted his magics and chose a space marked out in the snow by straight lines cut into the ice in the shape of a square. Hokus was chosen to oversee the combat and to determine the winner.
It is now to be told how Hinkle went to the home of Surt Eldgræðgi,(11) a blacksmith reputed to be a great user of magics. He and Surt spent the evening in labor, and on the morning of the duel Hinkle returned home with a sword, Gróðarhúsa-eldi,(12) which had the property of burning anything it struck. Hinkle brought this weapon to the duel, while Frosti chose a long spear. He loosened the rivet on the spear’s head before entering the square. Frosti was dressed in a red cape striped with yellow and green, and bore a grain-stem in his teeth.
When the duel began, it was not clear to anyone present who would be the winner. Frosti moved all around, dancing this way and that, so that Hinkle could not touch him with the blade of Gróðarhúsa-eldi. Then his spear darts forward, piercing Hinkle’s leg just above the knee. As he pulls out the shaft, leaving the spearhead in the wound, Hinkle reaches out and knocks the helmet from Frosti’s head. Frosti’s momentum throws him backward, but Hinkle threw his sword and the sweep of it caught Frosti a terrible blow, both cutting and burning him. Both men were injured, but by their mutual agreement would not end the combat. Hokus took advantage of the lull to allow Hinkle to retrieve his weapon and to return the helm to Frosti’s head. Then the fight began again.
This time, as Hinkle raises his sword and attacks, Frosti begins to dance around, spinning the shaft of his spear just as he always did with his heavy staff. He is running here and there all around the square. And with every spin and move, he hits out with his staff and thumps Hinkle on the head, shoulders, and ribs. And the stick goes thumpity-thump-thump, thumpity-thump- thump. And all the witnesses call out, “look at Frosti go!” Thumpity-thump-thump. Thumpity-thump-thump, and suddenly Hinkle feels that he can take no more of this and runs out of the square and away, with Frosti chasing after him, thumpity-thump-thump, thumpity-thump-thump, over the hills and snow.
Nothing else of importance happened at that year’s gathering.
As winter came to an end, it seemed to Frosti that it was time for him to seek his fortunes outside of Iceland. And so on the last day of winter, he put on his helmet and took up his staff and went to pay a visit around the local farms. At each, he said to the children, “let’s run and have some fun, before I sail away.” And at each, he laughed and played with the children, and in time he came to the farm of Rankin Bassafiskur. When he came to the door, Rankin’s female servant came to the door and asked the news.
Frosti said, “I must go away for a while. But before I do, I will say a farewell to Karin Rankinsdöttir.”
The servant went inside, and spoke as though to herself: “It is well for those who want to remain warm to stay indoors; there is too much of a frost outside to ignore.” Karin Rankinsdöttir gave no sign that she had heard, but soon after she rose and went to the door, saying, “I will see this weather for myself.”
She and Frosti spoke for a time, and Frosti said that it was on his mind to ask her to marry him. “But,” he said, “I will first travel abroad, since it is not right that a man of feeble reputation should be married.” Karin said that she was in favor of the match, but that her father should decide the matter. She then asked when Frosti would come back to Iceland. Frosti responded with a verse:
The hawthorn of the hillside(13) asks,
Warm-hearted one,
When I plan to return.
I stand at the cusp of the season
Of Thiassi’s guest(14); I must depart.
I know that winter’s cold
brings the return of frost, surely,
to brighten the maiden’s cheek.
“I have heard,” Frosti said, “of a new faith that is recently come to Norway. I intend to visit there, and if I find that the new faith is as good as reports speak of it, I intend to take it up. And since I know that the faith of these Christians is centered on a celebration of the winter solstice, I make you this pledge—though I leave you in the spring, I will return on Christmas day.” And he did.
1 Lit. “the Snow-Man.”
2 Winterland’s Stead.
3 John Frosti’s son. Attested in Landnámabók as Jónsi Frostason, or Jack Frost’s son.
4 Ice-Queen Cold’s Daughter. This genealogy contains a number of questionable references not corroborated elsewhere. Ísdrottning appears in altered form in other sources, where Jón Frostason’s wife is listed as Veturdrottning (e.g., Landnám., Eyrb.). Her father, “Kalt,” is not mentioned outside of this þáttr.
5 “Snow-White” (lit. “hoar-frost”).
6 Old Man Winter.
7 Frosti’s inactivity here is curious. Possibly he is merely angry or the author uses his immobility here for dramatic effect. His association with frost giants and trolls introduces a possible reading of this as a “freezing” in the sunlight, but it is noted elsewhere that he thrives on outdoor activity in the sun. Ultimately, this must be a reference to some aspect of Frosti’s character otherwise lost.
8 the bone of earth = stone; its bent staves = runes; their carver = a sorcerer, i.e., Hinkle.
9 The goddess of winter = Ísdrottning; her gift = Frosti’s helm.
10 Sword’s foe = helm.
11 Heat-Miser, lit. “Fire-greedy.”
12 Greenhouse-Fire.
13 The hawthorn bears fruit in winter; a reference either to Karin’s connection to the Yule celebration, or to her complexion (see the “bright cheek” of “the maiden” in line 8), or Karin as one who is well-suited to be the bride of frost (i.e., Frosti), or to Karin as the object of Frosti’s love.
14 Thiassi’s guest = Iðunn, goddess of youth whose name means “rejuvenating one” (probably, in this instance, a reference to the growing season); her season = spring or summer.
This reminds me of the story about that chicken who crossed the road, and the philosophical debate as to what motivated the bird, but it’s not really relevant to the above posted webcomic either, so I won’t waste anyone’s time with it. Besides, I think we all know why he did it.
I’m having a rotten week and this cheered me up a bit.
Thanks, Cuddlep00p.
No problem! I hope your week gets better
Remember that according to the lyrics of the song, the hat must be both old and made of silk. Maximize your chances of success by first eliminating all non-old, non-silk hats. Try searching your local second-hand stores and estate sales to maximize the first variable.
Joey’s Unbelievably Hawt, Sexy Mom CANNOT lend them her hat, because, in fact, hers IS a magic hat, and without it, she’d turn back into a small, fluffy, white cat. (Don’t ask. That’s a completely different story, but if you simply MUST know, read up on the origin of Smurfette. It’s kind of like that. You may often see her without it, but it is ALWAYS she who possessed it last. She has a special box she keeps it in, and as long as she is the last person to touch it, she doesn’t have to wear it. At least once a year, however, she MUST wear it or the spell will fail, which is kind of her Achilles heel… if she doesn’t wear it, and wear it outside as a normal hat once per year, OR if anyone were to grab that hat off her head… POOF!
Joey has NO idea what he’s asking there, obviously.